The Phrases given by My Dad Which Helped Me when I became a First-Time Dad

"I think I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of being a father.

But the actual experience rapidly became "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The direct words "You're not in a good place. You must get assistance. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about PND, less is said about the struggles new fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a larger inability to communicate between men, who continue to absorb negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a show of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to request a pause - spending a couple of days away, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he says. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - looking after you is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."